Dumbest Moments in Big Brother History

August 22, 2012 § 1 Comment

Big Brother. One of the most popular “reality” shows there is. Named after a surveilence system from a novel about a dystopian future where the government watches your every move. Apparently some television executive read that and said “what a good idea for a show”. And so a show about a bunch of people in a house making fools of themselves for millions of people to see, was born. This show is in many countries but i’ve only seen the American one. As I am Canadian, I very much look forward to the Canadian one but for now I can only rant about the American version. I have decided to rant about the moments in the show that have really pissed me off or just amused me with its idiocy, with more focus on later seasons because I have better memory of moments that pissed me off more recently. To be fair though, most of us have never played the game and a lot of the stupid actions would proably be a lot more understandable if we knew how stressful the game really is. These are in chronological order because I don’t feel like ranking them.

For reference, here are the basic rules of the game: each week, players compete for the title of HOH. The HOH nominates two people for eviction. Next the players compete for the veto. It used to be that everybody played for the veto, a later rule change made it so that only the HOH, two nominees, and three other players compete. The winner of the veto can choose to use it to take one of the nominees off the block, including themselves. If the veto is used, the HOH puts up a replacement nominee. The players annonymously vote one of the two nominees out. The HOH is only allowed to vote in the event of a tie. A player is not allowed to be HOH twice in a row unless it is the last HOH of the season. Once it gets down to the final three, there is no veto. when it gets down to the final two, seven players previously voted out vote for which of the final two should win the 500,000 dollars. In case you forget these rules, they are repeated to us regularly. The producers throw in new rules whenever they feel like it, touting the motto “expect the unexpected”.

I remember season 3 fairly well because I have the DVD. The absolute dumbest moment in season 3 is what happened with Marcellas and the veto. This is the season that introduced the power of veto. (sidebar: according to the rules of english, you’re supposed to always speak in the present tense when recounting the events of a show/book/film/etc….. but I would feel too silly doing this for a reality show. I think reality tv is a bit of an exception to this rule). For most of the season the rule was that a player could not use the veto to take themselves off the block, but could use it to take the other player off. This did not give players who were on the block much incentive to win it. For the final veto of the season, they upgraded to the golden power of veto, which now the one played for every week. This veto allows the players to take themselves off the block, and they usually do if given the oppurtunity. The first time it was ever possible for a player to take themselves off the block, the veto competition was a difficult one. It involved walking through one of those webs of laser beams and avoiding touching the laser beams. It was a hard one to win and Marcellas won it. He had to make the choice to use it or not during a live show. During his speech he said “my mama and my sisters are saying “use the veto, fool””. Did the fool use it? no. he planned to though. he later stated that he was so sure he was going to use it, he didn’t finnish packing. He gave as his reason for not using it, that he didn’t want to make the other players upset by giving them hard decisions to make. He said that he wouldn’t change a thing about his experience because he did it for the other players. Marcellas, i admire your sense of morals, i really do, BUT ISN’T THIS TAKING THE GAME A TAD TOO SERIOUSLY!!! Marcellas is a really good person. morally, probably the best player Big Brother has ever had. He deserved to win, since this is in part a popularity contest. he chose weaker people to be on his team in one of the food competitions so they wouldn’t feel bad about being picked last. In the All-Star season, when Chicken George was on slop, he gave George his slop pass so he could eat pizza. But this is a game! this is not a situation where morals need to matter all the time! Marcellas must be a real treat to play board games with! I’m sure he won’t try to block you or play any sneaky moves during a game of connect 4. If you play Chess with him, he’ll probably avoid capturing your powerful pieces unless absolutly necesary and maybe not even then. Scrabble? he’ll probably always make sure he always plays words that are worth less points than yours. Don’t even ask him to play Risk, it’ll probably make him cry. At one point in season 3 he thought the other players were cruel for putting him and his close friend, Amy, up against eachother. Marcellas, it isn’t Hunger Games, nobody’s gonna die if they lose. but with how seriously some of you players take it, you’d think you were going to die if you lose.

In season 5, the rules of the veto were changed. Before this, everybody competed for the veto, the rules were changed so that the only people who competed for the veto were the HOH, the two niminees, and each of them chose another player. Nakomis decided to abuse this rule change by inventing a strategy known as “backdooring” where the HOH nominates two pawns and then after the veto, nominate the one they want gone. This way the player they want gone doesn’t have a chance to compete for the veto. A later rule change made it so that three of the players in the veto competition were chosen by random draw, making the strategy harder but not impossible. This is actually a fairly smart strategy. It has become stupid over the years because SOME OF THEM INSIST ON TRYING TO DO IT EVERY WEEK!!!!! LET ME REFER YOU BACK TO THE BASIC RULES OF THE GAME AND POINT OUT THAT THE HOH DOES NOT DECIDE WHO GOES!! THE HOH’S JOB IS TO NOMINATE TWO PEOPLE AND MOST TIMES IT IS UNWISE TO PUT UP SOMEONE YOU DON’T WANT OUT!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT UP TWO PEOPLE YOU WANT GONE AND IF THE VETO IS USED YOU PUT UP YOUR THIRD CHOICE!!! Backdooring is a good strategy in some circumstances, just not when they think they have to do it every week. And then when they try to decide who to put up as a replacement they always seem sure that’s the person who will be voted out! When these people play sheep sheep come home, do they only go after one person at a time? when they play chess do they only focus on one enemy piece at a time? for the life of me I can’t figure out why they all think there is an unspoken rule that they have to target a specific player every week in a game that’s goal is to get rid of everybody at some time or another.

While some of these people take it too seriously, others do not play hard enough. Season 6 was the second time a player was allowed to re-enter the game and the first time America got to decide who it would be. Kaysar was voted back into the game, with over 80% of the votes and boy did he blow it. The HOH competition played when Kaysar came back into the game was an easy endurance challenge that required standing there holding a button. Kaysar and a girl from the opposing alliance were the last two standing. She lied that she would nominate her own allies and the idiot let go of the button, thereby giving away an HOH to an enemy. He had just been voted back into the game and he was voted back out again that week. Kaysar, they voted you out last week and you didn’t expect to be a target this week? The other players didn’t ask for you to return, America did. Do not give the same people who voted you out before the power to do it again immediatly after you return. And he didn’t make it very far when he returned for the All-Star season either. Worst fan-favourite ever.

The main twist in season 6 was that each player came in with a secret partner they knew from outside the game. Each pair initially thought they were the only ones with a secret partner in the game. If a pair that came together made it to the final two, the prize money would have been increased. Back in season 3, the players who came in second and third place had been secretly working together. They made the others think they had nothing to do with eachother other than that they played cards together once in a while. The other players had no idea that the two were secretly meeting to compare notes until near the end. This is a strategy that would have been very easy for the secret pairs in season 6 to do. Any one of the pairs could have joined opposing alliances and pretended to hate eachother. But did any of them have the sense to do this? Nope! not a chance. After his partner was voted out, Kaysar put together a team consisting of himself and five other players (one of whom had already lost their partner and the other four were paired with eachother) Two pairs happily rushed to join Kaysar’s alliance together, and the remaining pairs in the game all banded together. It did not cross a single players mind to say “wait a minute, i don’t want to be in an alliance with my secret partner. that just increases the odds of us being nominated together. if i work with the opposite alliance, i can keep my partner safe by getting my alliance to go after everyone in my partner’s alliance except for my partner”. This would have been a good strategy but instead they all insisted on openly working together with their supposedly secret partners so that they had no way to protect eachother when the other side was in power and everyone knew exactly who they were alinged with. This ties into a general piece of stupididty that has run through the entire series: most of the players make it perfectly clear who their allies are instead of keeping it secret so they won’t be making themselves and their allies such big targets.

the All-Star season (in which the main twist was that forteen past players returned) introduced a power called the coup d’etat. the player with said power can overthrow the HOH and put up two new nominees right before it’s time to vote one of them out. this power expires after three weeks. It was not used in season 7 but it was used the second time it was given, we’ll get to that later. in the All-Star season, players had to compete for this power by solving a riddle. the answer was a well known phrase that applies to the game. they were given three clues. each player had only one guess and the first to get it right won the power. the first clue was a sheep. i repeat, they each only had one guess. you’d expect them all to wait until they had more than one clue, but four of these fools rushed to guess after the first clue. At least three of them had reasonably good guesses that were actually related to the sheep. George on the other hand guessed, based on the fact that a female sheep is called a ewe, that the answer was “ewe are expected to expect the unexpected”. what? I know that phrase is like Big Brother’s motto but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHEEP!!! STICKING “EWE” AT THE BEGINNING ADDS NOTHING TO THE MEANING OF THE PHRASE!!! HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE GUESSED “EWE MUST REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS EITHER A DARING ADVENTURE OR NOTHING” AND YES I LITERALLY JUST GOOGLED MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES AND FOUND A WAY TO STICK “YOU” TO THE BEGINNING OF THE FIRST ONE I FOUND!!!!!!!! IF YOU’RE GOING TO GUESS AFTER ONE CLUE AT LEAST MAKE YOUR GUESS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE CLUE INSTEAD OF JUST GUESSING AND SHOEHORNING IN THE WORD “YOU” WITH A DIFFERENT SPELLING!

Once it gets down to the final nine, players who are voted out go to a jury house for a little vacation until the finale, where they vote for the winner. While in the jury house, everybody usually relaxes. They’re disappointed that they lost the game but they’re also relieved that the stress of playing is over. Usually everybody in the jury house gets along. since the game is over for them, they have no reason to fight anymore. Each week the player just voted out brings a tape for them all to watch, showing the events of the week. In the All-Star season, as soon as Howie and George were both in the jury house, they started fighting about what happened in the game. It got to the point where James had to seperate them like children in order for everybody to be able to watch the tape. Guys, the game is over, REEEEEEEEEEEEELAAAX!

In general the All-Star players were morons for trusting Dr. Will or Mike Boogie. Dr. Will was the winner of season 2. All of these people had seen him in season 2, manipulating people to get to the end. They saw Mike Boogie do it to, although he didn’t get as far in season 2. All of these people had played before and most of them did pretty well their first time. Yet SOMEHOW they all managed to be manipulated by these two guys and it is only because Janelle figured it out when they got to the final four, Dr. Will didn’t win a second time.

One of the twists in season 8 was that, unbeknowest to the other players until the finale, Eric Stein played as “America’s Player”. Each week America voted on tasks for him to complete and he won money for each task he completed successfully. He didn’t get to chose who to vote for each week, America chose for him. Each time he voted against the other players, they were all up in arms wondering who the dissenting vote was. This ties into a piece of general stupidity that bothers me almost every season: all the players acting like everybody has to vote the same. If someone votes differently and the others find out who, they are invariably the next target. Everybody acts as though they always have to do what the current HOH wants. Let me refer you back to the basic rules of the game and emphasise THE HOH DOESN’T GET A VOTE UNLESS IT’S A TIE! THE JOB OF THE HOH IS TO NOMINATE PEOPLE, THE OTHER PLAYERS DECIDE WHO GOES! FURTHERMORE, THE HOH DOESN’T GET TO BE HOH IN THE NEXT ROUND SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE DOING WHAT THEY WANT AFTER THEY ARE DONE NOMINATING PEOPLE!!! IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE GAME I’D RE-EXPLAIN THE RULES ON A REGULAR BASIS BECAUSE THESE FOOLS SEEM TO FORGET AN AWFUL LOT!! apparently they all think there’s an unspoken rule that the majority has to vote the way the HOH tells them even though THE HOH ISN’T ALLOWED TO VOTE!!

Season 8 had a religious freak known as Jameka. By religious freak I don’t mean person who happens to read the Bible and pray a lot, I’m perfectly fine with players who do this. This person was completely nuts. She seemed to actually believe that God wanted her to win the game and she was constantly going around talking about God but all the while being mean to people. My favourite moment, which I have been looking for on youtube, was when she said the word “fuck” 46 times in the same breath and then said “thank-you, God”. I am not exagerating. The uncensored version was on Youtube somewhere, on tv we just heard a lot of bleeping. She also tried to act noble by saying “what would Jesus do?” Jameka, if Jesus were on Big Brother the odds of him winning would be quite low because he would not want to be mean-spirited and untrustworthy as many players need to be. He would probably be like Marcellas. Then again a few nice people have won so you never know.

season 9 was the only season to ever air in the winter. It was during a writer’s strike and, in the abscence of new episodes of sitcoms to air, the network decided to throw together a winter season of Big Brother. It turned out to be one of the worst, maybe THE WORST, season they ever had. Because they didn’t know how long they needed the season to last, and because it was almost valentines day, the twist was that the 16 players were all paired up so that there were really only 8 players to start. Allegedly they were all paired with their soulmates, but few got along with their “soulmates”. Instead of nominating two people, the HOH couple had to nominate two couples and the players had to vote out a couple. This screwed over several players that were voted out because people didn’t like their partner, making this the stupidest twist there has ever been. Thankfully they decided to drop the stupid twist after a few weeks, thus beginning the long-standing stupid tradition where they tell us there will be a shocking, new, game-changing twist and they really mean “we’re abandoning the twist and going back to playing like normal”.

Not only was the twist in season 9 the absolute worst twist they have ever had, the majority of the players weren’t very nice either. By the final five, I wasn’t rooting for anybody. They kept trying to get James (the pink mohawk guy) out every single week to the point it almost felt cruel (he usually won the veto), when they finally did get rid of him the first time they ended up voting him back in and then he was an idiot and started talking about revenge right away. He did not make it to the final few. Most of the players were unlikable and when it got to the final two, Ryan and Adam, I didn’t feel like either of them deserved to win. Neither did the players who had to vote for the winner. They didn’t want to give the money to either of these guys. They voted for Adam to win solely because he promised to give the money to charity (not knowing at the time that he’d been fired from the charity he worked for because he used the word “retards” on tv). Wanna know what he did with the money instead of giving it to charity? He used it to start a drug ring. I repeat THEY ONLY VOTED FOR HIM TO GET THE MONEY BECAUSE HE PROMISED TO GIVE IT TO CHARITY AND USED IT TO START A DRUG RING INSTEAD! If it makes you feel any better, a lot of the people who voted for him to win were disgusted too. It isn’t particularly the drug ring that upsets me, it’s that he did something like that after promising to put the money toward a good cause. Season 9 is currently the only season fromwhich none of the players have been invited back to play again (unless you count last year), probably because the producers are pretending it never happened.

Usually I feel sad when the first player leaves because there wasn’t much time to get to know them and the players usually don’t have a strong reason for voting them out. Season 10 was one of the few times the first guy out deserved to go. This idiot literally made secret alliances with every single player in the game in the first week. Having secret alliances is a good and underused strategy but not when you have one with everybody in the first week. You need to take a little time to build up your network of alliances. It was only the first week, of course he was gonna get caught. He should have taken more time to assess what he was working with and who he should align with. this is what happens when you play too fast.

Jeff Schroder is one of the most popular players in the history of the show. Both times he played (seasons 11 and 13) he won the prize for America’s favourite player. Unfortunatly for him, another thing he is famous for is an amusingly dumb move he made in an early veto competition. This was a competition in which they had to spell words. Whoever came up with the longest word, spelled correctly, won. Jeff tried to spell technotronics, which isn’t even a word, and spelled it wrong. To make matters worse, if he had just spelled tectonics, he would’ve won. The guy who won spelled shotgun, clearly the players he beat just suck at this type of competition. A simmilar thing happened to Jeff again in season 13 when he was in a competition that involved looking for a pair of clownshoes. He lost because he accidentally threw one of the shoes out of the bin at the beginning.

Another stupid competition moment in season 11 happened to Ronnie, a video game designer who was supposed to be really smart. At one point they had a competition in which they had to gather coins. In one round he needed $10 worth of quarters. He first estimated the ammount of quarters that made a roll and used that to estimate how much was $10. He didn’t think it looked like enough and then he abandoned that strategy. He had a really good strategy and abandoned it. Idiot.

By far the stupidest thing that ever happened on Big Brother was when they mourned over Jessie in season 11. I would hate to see how these people would react if a player actually died. Jessie was a player in season 10 who was widely disliked and yet for some reason was brought back in season 11. His alliance was winning for most of the first half of the season. That was until the producers decided to bring back the Coup d’etat twist, and have America vote on who would get it. America gave the power to Jeff, who was not in the alliance that had been in power so far. Since he was not allowed to tell anyone about it until he used it, nobody knew what the secret power was or who had it, just that someone had a secret power. On eviction night, Jeff used the power to overthrow the current HOH (Chima) and put up two nominees of his own. This is the way Jessie was voted out of the game. Understandably, everyone was somewhat surprised by this turn of events. Not-so-understandably, his allies started behaving as though they were at a funeral. Lydia, Natalie, and Chima all were crying and going on about what a good person he supposedly was. I thought they were going to erect a gravestone in the backyard, at which point thousands of concerned citizens would have started trying to arrange for mental help for these people. Meanwhile Jessie was in the jury house, presumably enjoying a martini and suntan. The only member of his aliance with any sense was Kevin, who hillariously said in the diary room “those girls are acting as if Jessie was hit by a mack truck” and pointed out all the bad things Jessie did to the people who now for some unfathomable reason felt a need to cry over him being voted out. There was no reason for them to forget the bad things about Jessie just because he was out of the game, I didn’t even realise Lydia liked Jessie until this point. They were literally reacting as though Jessie died and this was his second time playing the game anyway. There is a rumour that all of the crying girls were going to quit until the producers bribed them to stay by gving them chinese food or something. Not only is Jessie alive, he came to torment us via Pandora’s Box twists in seasons 12 and 13. Jeff and his allies were not even smug about the sudden shift in power, like Jessie’s Allies would have been. Jeff and his alliance were in disbelief that these people were making such a big deal over it. They were in even more disbelief at what Chima did next.

Have you ever played a game with children and been severely annoyed with that kid who, when something doesn’t go their way, declares “I”M NOT PLAYING!” and then goes to a corner to sulk? Things just always have to go that kid’s way every time they play or else they decide that they weren’t playing. One of these kids grew up to be Chima Simone. Chima was a player in Big Brother 11 who, interestingky enough, is a friend of Marcellas. He helped her apply to be on the show and, after what happened with her, the producers probably never listened to him again. Chima is the defiant type and had a tendancy to do things like cover the cameras. After her HOH week turned out to be useless and her ally was voted out due to the random Coup d’etat twist, she was pretty upset. On top of that, a friend of hers nominated her for eviction. Of course there were so few people left in the game that the options for who Michelle could put up were limited. The day before the veto competition, a practice competition is sometimes set up in the backyard so everyone can have an equal chance. Chima’s friends wanted her to practice for the competition so she could have a good chance of winning and staying in the game but Chima decided to be a sook and give up. When they finally convinced her to come out into the backyard, she refused to take her microphone (which players are supposed to wear at all times because this is a television show and we need to hear what they’re saying). The person on the intercom told her to put it on and she refused. Her friends went and got it for her and, nstead of putting it on, she TOSSED IT RIGHT INTO THE HOTTUB!!! Her delusional friends tried to say it slipped out of her hand. IT WAS THROWN ACROSS THE YARD!! THERE ARE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE!! At first the producers were going to be forgiving of this and simply told her to get a new microphone from the storage room. Her friends eventually got it for her. Instead of wearing it, she swore into it and layed it down. At least she didn’t destroy the second one. When they called her to the diary room, she kept refusing to go until the executive producer had to come on the intercom and tell her. And then she was kicked out of the game and her friends had to pack her stuff for her. Chima, I know it’s irritating when the producers throw random twists into the game but this has happened many times before and you knew somebody had a secret power and there was a chance they’d use it. The opposing alliance was bound to get power at some point, it’s not like they were rubbing your nose in it. And many players have put friends on the block in the past, often for strategic reasons. I know it’s somewhat unfair when these things happen but you could easily have won that veto. I think you might have won the game. I understand why you did this but i think you were over-reacting a tad. I see where you thought the producers were making it impossible to win but i think you still could have won if you kept trying. All this over Jessie being voted out? Had you not been kicked out, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN JESSIE IN A FEW WEEKS! I’m actually not surprised Chima and Marcellas are friends. He probably was afraid of upsetting people by using the golden veto because he is friends with the sort of people who would have gotten upset about it. He plays the way he does because his friends are sore losers. Or Chima’s a sore loser because she’s friends with the sort of people who spoil her by letting her win all the time.

In all seriousness though, ten years before going on Big Brother, Chima was brutally attacked and raped by a serial killer. She helped identify the killer and was his last victim. Survivors of any tramuatic ordeal, deserve a lot of respect. Anybody would have some issues after that. Chima, if you’re reading this, I want you to know, I have a lot of admiration for you and am impressed that you handle your emotions as well as you do. However, some of your actions in the Big Brother house tell me you could be handling your emotions a bit better. As someone who is currently getting therapy, and have been for a few months, I understand how after what you’ve been through you may not always act rationally. I laugh at what happened on the show but when i’m feeling serious I understand it a little better. I wish you happiness and health and hope that you have gotten some help just as I am doing. and thank-you for giving Big Brother fans something memorable to talk about.

Rachel Reilly played in seasons 12 and 13. She didn’t do anything really monumentally stupid but she did a few things that are worth mentioning. She is currently engaged to Brendon, who she met on the show. In week 1 of season 12, both her and Annie liked Brendon. Annie was the first player out. In her goodbye video, Rachel said her very famous line “nobody gets between me and my man” or some variation thereof. This is a tad creepy because SHE HAD JUST MET THE GUY! HE WASN’T HER MAN YET! not only that, she proceeded to accuse every single player who was voted out before her that season, of trying to get between her and her man. Woman, get a grip. It was so memorable, players still talk about it this year and she’s not even on. Early in her season I was already thinking she was the player most likely to throw her microphone in the hottub. Thankfully she did not but there was an episode where i’m sure the editors wanted us to think she was going to. Rarely do we see these people practice for the veto. There was an episode where we are shown them practicing and Rachel is having a bit of a meltdown. The others practice bowling and Ragan, who didn’t even like her at the time, kindly asks her if she wants to try and she heads back to her room in tears. I’m convinced the editors wanted us to think she was going to do a Chima, I did sort of think she was going to. Thankfully Brendon got her to come out and practice. All. Night. Long. And surprisingly enough she didn’t have a meltdown when she lost. but just wait til I tell you about season 13.

season 11 introduced something called Pandora’s Box. The HOH is offered a chance to open Pandora’s Box (some speculate that they don’t really have a choice) and either the HOH gets something good but all 0of the players get something bad, or the HOH gets something bad and the other players get something good. Sometimes these are rather amusing. However there was one in season 12 I disliked. Lane opened Pandora’s Box and was told to pick 3 envelopes of money from the tree, that could add up to as much as 10000 dollars. For each enevelope he picked, a punishment was given to all the players. All he won was 90-something dollars and 17 cents. They lost their dishes and were forced to dance to silly music and talk with sock puppets, or eat slop. Neither the HOH or the other players got anything good out of it. To quote Lane “the only good that came of this is maybe i’ll be able to fill up my car with gas”. Another contraversial Pandora’s Box was when Rachel was let back into the game for 24 hours while Brendon got a 24 hour vacation in the jury house. Before Rachel went back to the jury house she left a message for Brendon by writing Matt’s name with pretzels, to tell him who to nominate. I think it was a smart move, but shame on the producers for making it possible by setting someone who was already out of the game loose among the players. Of course the really infuriating Pandora’s Box came in season 13, but i’ll get to that.

season 13 was the worst season since season 9, which the producers ignore ever happened. The twist was a but like season 9, but not as unfair. The players played as duos for the first few weeks and while duos were nominated together, only one left each week. The players who lost their partners were given golden keys, guarenteeing them spots in the top 10 (in other words keeping them safe until the twist ended). This twist was clearly written to only last a short time, yet the producers still expected us to be surprised when it was over. they thought we’d be surprised EVEN THOUGH THE PLAYERS HAD ALREADY FIGURED IT OUT AND WERE ALREADY TALKING LIKE IT WAS A GIVEN!

What made the game slightly unfair was the other part of the twist: 3 duos from past season returned. These included: the father-daughter duo that worked together to get to the final two in season 8, Jeff and his showmance (Jordan), and Rachel and Brendan. Good grief. What was stupid was that all the newbies felt the need to do whatever the veterans told them. Rachel was the first HOH and nominated the duo of Keith and Porsche. And it’s general stupidity time again because both of them independantly decided to throw the veto competition SOLELY BECAUSE THE HOH TOLD THEM TO!! GUYS, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO WHAT THE HOH SAYS, THEY WON’T BE HOH NEXT WEEK!! IF YOU WIN THE VETO, THERE’S NOTHING MORE THE HOH CAN DO TO YOU!! WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO? DOUBLE NOMINATE YOU? There was an alliance of four newbies called the regulators, who were the worst alliance ever. They were the first four out.

One of the most disappointing moments ever was in the first week of season 13. Dick Donato, the winner of season 8 had a personal emergency and had to leave. I was pissed off that the producers took so dang long to tell the players what was happening. Especially since one of the players was his daughter and she was worried sick all night. I said half-jokingly that they should’ve rebelled by refusing to play the veto competition, after all the players who were nominated didn’t want to win the veto anyway.

I’m not going to make fun of Rachel too much (though i will make fun of the getting between her and her man thing forever) because i understand what it’s like to have mental issues and we have to remember that these are real people we are talking about. She is probably easier to get along with in real life than she is in the game, a lot of players who hated her in the game became friends with her afterwards. However, this is also a television show we are talking about and i’m here to point out over-the-top reactions people had to this game. At one point in season 13, Rachel lost a competition and went to cry in the bushes. After they got between her and her man by voting him out of the game, she started behaving so childishly, she practically sat on Danielle during the nomination ceremony. After being nominated, she started packing and threatening to quit. The woman was falling to pieces without Brendon to help her. They called in a psychiatrist to calm her down. To be fair, you can see how it would be stressful for her beng seperated from Brendon, not knowing she’d see him anymore until the finale, and having people dislike her so much. Seriously though, don’t let a game affect your health this much. Maybe it’s because I relate to having mental problems but I’m really glad Rachel got better later in the season. Even after Brendon was voted out for the second time she made it all the way to the end. At one point Jordan was having a fight with someone and Rachel, of all people, was the one breaking up the fight and trying to calm Jordan down.

Lawon had the most idiotic exit since Marcellas. It had just been announced that whoever was voted out that week would have a chance to return. Lawon took this to mean that if he were voted out, he would have a really good chance of returning with special powers of some sort. He probably meant like the coup d’etat but to hear him talk you’d think he expected superpowers. This fool thought the producers were gonna give him some kind of reward for being voted out even though, the three previous times someone was voted out and the returned, nobody had ever gotten special powers as a result. maybe the producers will do it next time just to piss Lawon off. It would make more sense for a player who was voted out to return with a disadvantage, if they were returning with an advantage that would be a reward for technically losing the game. The players already consider letting someone back in the game slightly unfair without giving that player extra advantages. In spite of this, this fool thought he would get voted out and return with special powers. Not only did he volunteer to be nominated, HE VOLUNTEERED TO BE VOTED OUT. the other players said, well that makes our job of deciding who to vote out much easier, he wants to be voted out let’s do it. The fool was voted out and had to compete against Brandon, who had been voted out the week before, to get back in the game. Brandon won and Lawon went home, presumably very much regretting being the first player to ever ask to be voted out. A few have quit, a few have been kicked out, only Lawon legitimatly asked to be voted out by the other players. just WHAT made him think he had a high chance of returning when he barely had any information on the twist?

Sometimes the players are idiots. Sometimes the producers are. In this case, it’s the fans that take the cake. They took the cake so far that the executive producer, the one responsible for every instance of twists and competitions designed to screw with the players, essentially said “wow! not cool.” In season 13 Jeff and Jordan had an ally named Shelly, who lied a lot and her eight year old daughter was quite disappointed in her. Shelly betrayed Jeff by voting to get rid of him. Because Jeff was America’s favourite player, some of the fans were pretty upset with her. Some of them were so upset that they started threatening her husband and daughter and phoning her employer to demand she be fired. Okay, I also like Jeff and dislike Shelly but I don’t dislike her this much. This is beyond taking the game to seriously. IT’S A FREAKIN TV SHOW!! LEAVE HER PERSONAL LIFE OUT OF IT!!!! YES I DISLIKE HER BUT SHE WASN’T THE FIRST PLAYER TO BETRAY ONE OF HER ALLIES AND SHE WON’T BE THE LAST! IT’S JUST PART OF THE GAME! A GAME THAT EXISTS TO ENTERTAIN US AND NOTHING MORE! YOU DO NOT THREATEN SOMEONE’S FAMILY BECAUSE SHE DID WHAT SHE FELT WAS NECESARY TO GET AHEAD IN A GAME!! IT WAS JEFF’S SECOND TIME PLAYING ANYWAY! NO PLAYER IS OBLIGATED TO AIM FOR AMERICA’S FAVOURITE TO WIN! THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO AIM FOR THEMSELVES TO WIN AND SOMETIMES THEY DECIDE THEIR BEST MOVE IS TO BETRAY SOMEONE, IT’S NOT NICE BUT IT’S NOTHING TO CRY OVER LET ALONE SEND DEATH THREATS OVER!!! someone even wished for her daughter to be raped. I don’t care if Shelly murdered someone, you don’t wish ill-will on an eight year old for something their parents did!

The most infuriating use of Pandora’s Box yet was the one that rigged the game in the veteran’s favour. It was down to the final 6. Two veterans were left: Rachel and Jordan. Porshe, a newbie, was HOH. She opened Pandora’s box and unleashed the duo twist back into the game for the week, thus guarenteeing that if either Rachel or Jordan won the veto they would both be saved and Porshe would have no choice in who to put up because only one duo was left. All she got in return was champange and 5000 dollars each for her and Kalia. Not only that, they made the veto competition a duplicate of a competition Rachel previously won, ensuring she was most likely to win this one. And we know this Pandora’s box wasn’t planned far in advance because of it were, they would have told us sooner like they usually do. They only decided to do this after Porshe won HOH. If this wasn’t rigging, I don’t know what is.

The most frustrating thing about season 13 is that a veteran won. Not that Rachel won. Believe it or not, in many ways I am HAPPY Rachel won. In spite of the week that was clearly rigged so that her and Jordan could both stay, I still believe that Rachel deserved to win more than anybody else who made it to the final 5. My problem is that on principle, the other players should not have allowed any veteran to win. In fact my biggest reason for being happy Rachel won is that the new players deserved to lose for being stupid enough to let the veterans get so far. All 8 new players did whatever the veterans told them, even Dominic who was the closest one to having free thought. Rachel, congratulations on winning. The rest of you, y’all suck at Big Brother. At least Rachel most likely spent the money on school and her wedding instead of wasting it like the idiot who won season 9. In spite of the meltdowns, Rachel was probably the best player that season.

Willie Hantz was the first HOH in season 14 and was likely chosen for the show mainly because his brother was on Survivor. He somehow managed to make Chima look completely rational by comparison. During his week as HOH, Willie made some mistakes including nominating Frank after promising not to. In week 2, he regretted some of his mistakes and was in a lot of danger of being voted out that week. Frank was HOH. After that week’s Coaches competition, Janelle picked Willie to be a have-not (player that has to spend the week sleeping on hard beds, having cold showers, and eating slop). In addition to slop, have-nots usually get to eat an odd combination of treats voted on by America. This time it was pork rinds and pudding. Well at this point Willie Hantz couldn’t take it anymore and had a big temper tantrum. He said that he would be leaving before they could have the satisfaction of voting him out. He threw pork rinds at Janelle and repeatedly headbutted Joe. Natuarally, the producers kicked himout for violence. This makes Chima look completely rational because at least she had a reason to feel as though the game was being rigged against her, she was upset about something that happened somewhat out of the ordinary. It was understandable she thought the coup d’etat was an unfair twist. Hantz, on the other hand, was upset about the game taking its natural course. After your week as HOH is over, somebody else gets a turn and it might be someone you just tried to get rid of. A few people have to be have-nots every week and it’s only fair that some of the have-nots be people who were haves in the previous week. He was also upset over his own mistakes and speculation that the coaches would become players. They did, it made me angry to, and i will get into it more soon, but at the time we did not know for sure this would happen and it was much too early to be this upset over something that might not have happened. Also, Chima at least waited until after she was nominated to give up on the game, Willie flipped out before he even knew for sure Frank would try to get him out. He might not have been nominated, he might have won the veto, he might have made alliances and gotten them to keep him. If he just avoided pissing people off that week, he would have had just as much chance as anybody else did of surviving til the next week. Even if he did know for sure they would vote him out, leaving the way he did was being a very poor sport as it made it difficult for the other players to decide who to vote out that week. Also, if he wanted to leave before they could vote him out, he could have just quit. It’s not like the producers could legally force him to stay. He could have just said he wanted out without resorting to violence and throwing his food. At least Chima showed no desire to hurt anybody, it was her hurting the production equipment they were worried about. I actually anticipated Willie doing a Chima, but not with violence and not this soon. He could have waited a few weeks and seen how things went before intentionally getting kicked out. Less than a week after being kicked off of Big Brother, Willie Hantz was arrested for drunk driving. To be more accurate, for starting the car while drunk. On the very day that the players had to vote somebody out, Willie Hantz spent the day in jail instead of worrying about whether or not he was going to be voted out. I bet he wished he had stayed on the show then. I think he at least got out in time to watch Big Brother. you’d think he could’ve at least stayed out of trouble long enough for us all to miss him a little.

Now for the moment that pissed me off most recently. The biggest pissoff yet. The season 14 twist was that four past players returned as coaches: 1)Dan, winner of season 10 2) Mike Boogie, winner of all-stars 3) Janelle, two time third placer 4) Britney from season 12. The coaches were supposedly playing for their own prize of $100000. Each coach chose 3 players and whoever won, their coach would win the coaches prize. I actually liked the twist. It was an interesting change to the game and the relationships between players. It enabled veterans to return without the chance of repeating the pissoff that was the veterans winning the previous season. Unlike the duo twist, this twist seemed to be made to last the full season. I don’t know why the producers think they have to abandon the twists every year, there is no reason this twist could not have lasted the full season. I wanted to see it play out to its logical conclusion. Unfortunately, the producers were lying. They were most likely planning from the beginning to abandon the twist and let the coaches play. On the first night, someone was eliminated from the game already which is a pissoff in and of itself. If only they had had the foresight to keep her sequestered, they could’ve brought her back when Willie was kicked off. They were in a hurry to be rid of someone on the first day, purely so they could make the coaches play later. And yet the week the coaches entered the game, nobody was voted out and now they have to have at least two double-eviction weeks to avoid making the season too long. Shane was HOH that week and won the veto. His week as HOH turned out to be a complete waste. Right when they were about to vote somebody out, the host announced that the coaches may be entering the game as players. There was a rest button in the diary room. Each coach went in one at a time, and if even ONE of them pushed the button the game would be reset and nobody voted out that week. I hoped that nobody would press it and they’d each leave it up to the others. All of them except Mike Boogie pressed it. Britney was hesitant though. Since she was hesitant, I can’t for the life of me figure out why she pushed it! If ONE of them pressed it they would enter the game. It wasn’t like a majority vote. What did she have to lose by not pushing it? Was she afraid nobody else would? They were also told that if they didn’t rest the game, some players might be returning. So? the only player they didn’t want back was Willie and he definitly had no chance of returning. With nothing to lose by not pushing it, what possesed someone who was hesitant to push it to push it? Also, the producers were idiots for doing this because when the veterans were coaches, it was guarenteed that at least one of them would make it to the end. By making their precious veterans regular players, vulnerable to being voted out, the producers risked losing the veterans and having to focus on the newbies (which they are clearly reluctant to do). If they wanted to make sure to have people from past seasons stick around ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS NOT GIVE THE NEWBIES THE ABILITY TO VOTE THESE PEOPLE OUT! At least they allowed SHane to play the HOH competition right after making him waste his reign as HOH and everybody essentially waste their July. Janelle was the next person out and I hope the newbies have more guts than last year’s newbies and get rid of the remaining coaches soon. It’ll serve the producers right for being such morons.

for another ridiculous game don’t get me started on Monopoly………………………………

UPDATE: I forgot two dumb moments from season 8. Jen crying over her picture on the memory wall. get over it. and the gay guy who, upon seeing his ex-boyfriend in the house, told us all about how his ex-boyfriend allegedly gave him an STI. On national tv. I don’t think there’s much need for e to comment.

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